Teaching Your Children Not To Care
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They cared and they taught us to care. But part of their parental code was how NOT to care as well. It's something all of us try and follow because they practice what they preach, they walk the talk. And all the time we were growing up, they tried to instill things in us, never pushed things down our throats. Did we heed their words? Maybe not all of them, then. But those words lived on in us - and came to the fore when it mattered. Words that were taught with wisdom, caring and love. An insurance for the life ahead of us.
Then I looked around at close friends who had great parents as well and I asked them whether they were taught how not to care too - about the things that don't matter, the things that are ephemeral, the things that are superficial, the things that shouldn't be important. I've tried to make a list of all the ones I can remember. It's a list that maybe we can try and teach our children. Most kids will think you're crazy - but they'll remember it some day when they're all grown up - and they'll try to follow. I know we do.
Teach them not to care about what others think - how we feel about ourselves is what is important.
Teach them not to care how friends look, speak, what they wear - it's how they make us feel that counts.
Teach them not to care about what could be wrong about others' religious beliefs - it's what's right with ours that we need to follow.
Teach them not to care when others judge us - what's important is that we don't judge others.
Teach them not to care when others take and don't pay back - it's so much more satisfying when we pay it forward.
Teach them not to care what the world expects - setting our own standards high and achieving them should be our challenge.
Teach them not to care if someone is better then them in studies, sports, music, whatever - now that's hard to follow but gets easier if a special talent is nurtured and made to bloom.
Teach them not to care if people ridicule them about the way they look - the more we show we are affected, the more will they tease us.
Teach them not to care if people taunt them - ignoring someone is a better way to retaliate than losing your temper.
Teach them not to care about the toxic takers - things work so much better in a giving, sharing environment.
Teach them not to care about the ones who don't listen - but let's lend someone our ears when needed.
Teach them not to care - about so many silly, inconsequential, unimportant things - a lot of what is important to us when we are young will seem so silly as we grow up.
Teach them not to care about the ones who don't care - life's so short, let's spend it with the ones who do care.
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I agree - many are hard to teach but so many of us come back to the path we've been guided towards at some point of time, don't we? If only we could learn better so we can teach our children better!! :)
I do like the way you addressed the issue of what not to care about and even though I might not agree with every one of them, I couldn't agree more with your first one. If we focused more on how we feel about ourselves and less about others' perceptions, I believe that the world in which we live would be much better.
Shalini;
I really like that. Each of the items you list can get out of hand by caring about them when we have really no control. Thanks for the wise thoughts. Tthey seem particularly appropriate on Hubpages where I think that many inflammatory things are written.
Shalini - I like this one. It's a good list, a good lesson, and one that many could benefit from. (I like your avatar too - it's a 'land girl' isn't it?)
talented_ink, viralprospector, Paraglider - thank you! Coming from you guys, that's praise indeed - love your hubs!
Paraglider - that's me hehe - done by one of my favourite artists :)
yes they did guide us through our awkward years, didn't they? and instil the right kind of values. let's hope our kids say the same about us 15 or 20 years from now. :)
Dear Shalini, in this hub you pronouncing some really important facts from our every day life. Well, I was thought wrongly about 'NOT TO CARE'. I cared far too much about what other people think about myself and the price I needed to pay one day was huge. I changed a lot and I don't care any more about silly things which are not important at all. Many times I am laughing to myself, when I look back and see how terribly silly I was, when I allowed other people to think instead of me about my own life...
Yes, Muser....pray they do!
I'm sure you felt much better after you shook off all that 'caring' about what didn't matter, solarshingles :) Detachment is such a wonderful feeling!
Shalini,
I simply had to come over and read about your list of what not to care about. I couldn't have added another thing. It is a wonderful list and great instruction for any parent to follow. There are so many important things to care about...why waste precious time caring about unimportant things. Wonderful hub!
Lovely Hub, i agree so much. its so important not to allow other peoples issues poison your life. I think its all about teaching the child self confidence, and of course having some yourself!!
Thank you cflynn - giving a child confidence to be himself/herself is one of the best gifts we can give our children, don't you think?
Very nice hub. I would certainly bookmark this link to read again as and when I have kids. Btw you seem to put a lot of thought in your titles to make it catchy LOL I like the previous one where it rhymes marriage/carriage and now "NOT TO CARE". I guess for women also we need to be healthy but being overly obsessed by weight or looks we can follow your advice "Not to care" Great hubs. Surely thumbs up from me.
Thank you, countrywoman!
Really a wonderful one. Thanks Salini! :)
Thanks Misha - I went back and read it again and realised that what's missing perhaps is a fun (or wicked) 'Teach them not to care.....' I must see how I can remedy that - any suggestions?
Great advice Shalini! A child taught this list of values should grow up beaming with confidence.
Thanks for reading KCC!
I agree with what a few have already said, the title is very nice, which is especially important for something that you want young people to learn and remember... kind of like the Saki story where the man on the train instantly got some children's attention by telling a story of a little girl who was "TERRIBLY good", hee hee. Well, if the title was good, I thought the hub was even better. I had a math teacher in high school (long, long ago) who did a very good job of off-handedly and understatedly promoting this theme.
Thanks for reading, watcher by night.....another Saki fan? I loved that story - how contrary we humans are, to be sure!!
Great Hub here. A lot of excellent things to not care about. : )
Beautifully done. Simple and to the point.
Great Hub. Direct and honest and thoughtful. Thanks!
Thank you MellasViews, Rochelle and Teresa for stopping by and reading :)
I, too, was tricked by the title. Excellent list of what is vs what is not important in life. You must be a wonderful parent, Shalini!!!
MM - you always fly by leaving such a wonderful warm feeling inside! Thank you! I do have wonderful parents - for that I am truly grateful - now me, I just try - have to very hard sometimes, I must admit!!
I agree with all of that.
Leading my example is very important. I remember some other mother commenting negatively about my mother, and she was unbothered - in fact, she was sympathetic, saying that the other woman was clearly upset and worried about something in order to say what she did.
Thanks for reading LondonGirl - you have a wonderful and wise mother!
I do, she's the best. I've told her that, too (-:
Ah Londongirl - isn't it great to have a super Mum? I'm lucky too :)
Good hub!
One the other side of the learning method. DO NOT CARE may not be radical, but it gives the opportunity for children to "do not ingest raw" all facts that can disrupt. Gradually able to filter the facts and is able to distinguish between "good" and "bad", "should" and "not necessary". Creating a balance between "positive thinking" and "negative thinking".
Best regards..
Thank you hsofyan - for analysing and putting it so well :)
lovely hub Shalini and aptly titled...it caught my eye at once.
Thanks Diana - for reading!
I love all of these statements--and you're right! My mother at her worst of times visibly took a deep breath and said "Oh well, no one's dead!"
And my father is just naturally inclined to move on and roll with the flow, to react to issues as they happen--to not care, in essence.
Children who go to school without this knowledge, and adults who prepare to venture out into the real world lacking this understanding, invariably are lead to do some dumb things...
Hey GM - thanks for reading - and for leaving a smile behind - maybe this hub needed it :)
this is great! Really we should be instilling these things into children from an earlier age. It would not only make for a much happier child but family too. Great hub!
Thanks so much for reading ratcliffe07 - this really is a tribute to my wonderful parents!
This hub is excellent - I hope the adults will take this to heart for themselves as well as teach their children about these tips.
That's a wonderful compliment - thank you mythbuster!
Great 'Teach them not to care's! Let's teach them before life has to. :)
Ah yes - but life's a great teacher too :)
It is a very well written article. With two little ones and one grown up kid (of course my better half) at home, I could only admire on the things that are listed here. A wonderful thought though to teach some of the very good fundamentals in life.
Thank you mussi! One grown-up kid LOL - guess most of us wives feel that way :D
I agreew iht this soooo much!! I think its possable to go overboard on not caring what ohers think about you. I am learning now, to teach my kids that while they should not care what others think aobut thier clothes/hair etc. But it is important to remember to be dressed appropriately...like...we went grocery shopping, I was in a rush and didnt look at what the kids were wearing..we got to town and they had on thier "barn clothes" complete with rabbit poop and chicken feathers!!
You're right dennisematt - one cannot go overboard on anything. Thanks for stopping by and reading!
This hub spoke to me! I'm bookmarking and plan to read more!
Thanks for coming by and reading wannabewestern - and for becoming a fan!
Shalini, this was such a beautiful hub, it's like a cross between a poem and a prayer.
Thank you Dolores - that's one of the best compliments there could be - thanks so much for reading!
Hey Shalini. I am glad I found this hub. A new way of teaching the old lessons. Most beneficial lessons for every person and every parent to pass on.
Thanks for reading Dmrfan.
Yes..while teaching children to be careful it is also equally I portent, that you should not care something and you have listed it properly for the children benefit. Whenever children fails they should always NOT TO CARE. Otherwise they will feel negative. Thanks for SHARING:)
Thank you Trsmd - for reading and commenting!
Shalini, I love the article. Reminded me of what my dad always said,'Care only if it effects the future- yours or someone elses,if not move on.'
Thanks Uma - what a wise Dad!
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trish1048 Level 3 Commenter 3 years ago
What a wonderful hub! A very nice slant on an important issue. When I saw the title, I thought, what?? NOT to care? What is this hubber thinking?
Then, of course, I read it. These are very valuable things to instill in our children. And, as you mention, some may be harder to teach than others. One that comes to mind is learning how to lose gracefully. We've been working on this one since my granddaughter has learned how to play games. It is getting better, but we're not quite there yet. She still has to be reminded at times, but I am confident with due diligence she'll get there. She has just turned a 'mature' 7 yrs old, so she is better able to understand what we are trying to impart to her.
Thanks for the reminder, even us adults forget these lessons at times.
Trish